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Monday, January 5th, 2009
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So Elliott has moved out of here and gone to California for his Apple job. My mom came up for a few days and we redecorated and moved furniture and changed everything and tried to de-Elliott the apartment. Everything reminds me of him. Sleeping alone is weird. And it so sucks because our schedules basically revolved around each other and my schedule didn't change enough and he just isn't in it now. And the stupid couches and the dinner table and food and the computer and showers and our friends and outfits and EVERYTHING makes me think of him and it just sucks so much. He was the lucky one. He gets to move away from all the reminders and I have to live in and be overwhelmed by them.
On top of that, our relationship isn't really defined. We're not together but we didn't break up and we don't want to date other people. I'm coming to visit him and another friend and he wants me to stay with him and sleep in his bed with him and stuff and I'm just really not ok and it sucks.
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Thursday, November 6th, 2008
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I don't think I'm going to date anyone new until I'm done with college. I never want to date people my age and they all seem to want to be somewhere else. Time #3 where my boyfriend is going across the country, permanently.
He's like the perfect mixture of everything I want, and after December, I won't have it anymore.
Last year at this time everyone I saw said they had never seen me so happy. Now every time anyone talks to me they say I look so sad and how I seem really depressed. I thought everything was going to be ok finally. It's not. And all I know to do about it really is write about it in a livejournal. Sad? Yes.
I've been trying to just keep as busy as possible, but really I don't know if I should start pushing away now or deal with it being harder when he leaves. This entire apartment is going to remind me of him after us living together for 6 months. There's nothing here that isn't attached to him somehow. I don't know how to deal with this one.
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I feel like this summer has been 3 months of count-downs. Counting down until I got to visit Elliott. Counting down until I quit my job. Counting down until Elliott gets back. Counting down until the million things I seem to have ordered arrive. Counting down until I get to take my awesome classes of this fall.
You know what sucks? Being in a relationship that has a countdown. I guess Ell and I aren't going to do the long-distance thing, so when he graduates in December and moves to Cali to work for Apple, I guess it's going to be over. Except I've never liked anyone this much. I made a list of qualities my dream boy would have when I was like ten. He fits all of them, and then some. We're moving in together... for the fall anyway. December is going to be the most difficult thing.
I'm ready for school to start. Ell gets back. I get to take all of these classes I am really excited about. My friends get back into town. That's the weird thing I didn't think about when coming to college. People are from all over the place, so when summer comes, everyone disperses even more than I am used to. I guess going to a state school makes this less so, but still.
I'm also excited about starting up things with my sororities again. I have an office in both the service and the social one so I feel like this is also going to help make sure I stay involved with what goes on.
John Mayer concert tonight! I know everyone is judging me and I don't care. <33333
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Saturday, March 1st, 2008
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I am thinking about getting a job at Apple. I spend so much money on my TWO sororities plus the spirit club and then of course rent is ridiculous and I buy too many things I don't need. On the other hand, maybe I should just stop being an addict to on-campus organizations.
Also, why am I working at Apple? I shouldn't spend so much time with these Apple addicts I call friends.
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Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
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New boy. Very happy. Happy happy happy. Love love love. Until now, it was absolutely awkward and drama-filled and complicated and ridiculous... and totally worth it.
Also, I have the plague.
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Saturday, January 5th, 2008
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I am fixing my life. I am no longer going to subject myself to people that pretend they love me and then treat me like shit.
I have the best friends in the world and without them, I don't know if I could have done this, and I needed to, so I am so grateful to them for being there for me no matter what.
I am excited about every single one of my classes this semester and my schedule is so awesome.
Over break, I saw three different people that I had not seen in quite a while. All three made the comment about me to other people that they "thought I looked so much happier than they had ever seen me". This is working.
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
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For the first time in that past 3 years, I am hopeful that this might actually be a good year.
There are so many changes going on in my life, it's actually quite ridiculous, and they are all fairly big changes.
I think I am genuinely happy for the first time since I can remember.
Happy new year everyone!
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Saturday, November 24th, 2007
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Lust kills.
I love Guitar Hero.
My new best friends are the best and worst things that have ever happened to me. I love them so much.
I think winter break is going to make me sad and happy.
I sleep so much and stay up so late now.
I love Metro Station for being the first band I know of to write a song about a girl with my name, even if they did spell it wrong.
I miss hookah on cold nights.
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I think I have managed to alienate everyone I know. I don't know what's happening.
COLLEGE. 70 days.
The end.
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Just so everyone can be updated without me having to repeat the story 50 times, here is what happened. Yesterday I had to spend the entire day in the hospital because I was all jaundiced and yellow and gross. I had to wait 5.5 hours in the ER just for them to tell me I might as well go home and they would call me if my lab results said anything, so we left. Long story short, we got the Chief at the hospital to call the ER and yell and everyone was in HUGE trouble for sending us home since the tests were NOT normal. We went back to the ER and I became the most important person...EVER. I had 6 doctors, a nurse, and a tech all hanging out with me. They also had a secret pow-wow outside my door and thought they were very quiet and were like "Hey...the chief called..." "no pressure, right?!" "we better not screw this up!" which was hilarious. Apparently I stressed them out quite a bit because they could not really figure out what was wrong with me. Turns out I actually had a kidney infection, gilbert's syndrome AND mono... at the same time. So... yesterday was an interesting day. I am yellow, but it won't kill me, and I did not have to spend the night, really, in the hospital. The end. Now you know.
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Saturday, March 17th, 2007
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So I am feeling a feeling that I have not felt for quite a while, a feeling of complete and total angst, but a level of angst I actually thought I might not feel again. It's an angsty enough feeling to make me write about it in my livejournal again. I feel completely isolated from everyone I know, friends, boyfriend, family. The thing is, I think I did this all to myself, which just makes me feel a million times worse. I hate that this is how I am going to end senior year. Fuck. I need a hug, and a friend that can put up with my shit.
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Monday, February 5th, 2007
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| Time: | 6:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  in the middle of a breakdown. |
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I think this is where I say I've lost my mind. Truly.
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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Got in to UT Dallas... sort of. I got a letter today telling me that I got a scholarship, but I never actually got an acceptance letter. You can't get a scholarship without being accepted, can you? Hm...exciting nonetheless
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Monday, January 15th, 2007
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Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
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I love the Counting Crows.
I am tired.
I feel pretty out of place with ALL of my friends right now.
Creative writing class is making me start writing again, which is making me kind of depressed.
College acceptances as of now for anyone that cares:
UTSA
Adelphi University*
Cornell College
SUNY Stony Brook
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Monday, January 1st, 2007
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Sunday, December 24th, 2006
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I am pretty much not going to see Frank over the summer.
Christmas Eve has officially sucked.
I got in to my top choice school, Adelphi. I am happy with that.
I need to clean my room. It is pretty gross.
So I bought a bunch of Christmas cards to send to everyone and I still have not sent them, and now I feel bad and am also not sure whether I should still bother sending them or not.
I hope I get to have some Pho made by Jenny's mom sometime over this holiday.
I signed up for 2 more psych classes at SAC, but apparently they are sophomore level classes, so I can't take them for free anymore. I hope these credits transfer to whatever college I go to.
I am sleeping a ridiculous amount lately.
I had the most AWKWARD interaction with people I went to school with like 4 years ago and didn't really know very well even then. UGH
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Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
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A boy sang a song to me today. It was special. It made me smile.
Frank is going to be here in about a day. Excitement? Yes. He might spend the day at school with me on Friday, so that will be fun if he actually ends up doing it. He likes his sleep. He might not do it.
Finals... yeah. Calc is first. Yuck. I need to do well on it, or I basically will hate my life.
Next wednesday is going to be a party in Austin with KATIE KINDER (AKA Princess of WoW) and Frank, and Katie's church people/person.
I want a day where I just sleep until I wake up. I don't remember the last time that that happened, and I think it would be orgasmic, because there has not been a moment in the past couple of weeks that I have felt awake.
Katie, seriously, I know you are going to read this. So, I just want you to know, I support you tapping that, while playing Warcraft, because that is romantic.
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Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
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Ok, so, even though it happened like a week ago, I thought I would still tell everyone that I got my first acceptance to a college. Granted, it was my safety, and I don't really want to go there, and it's not the best school. However, I was still excited about it, and felt like sharing. So, you know, if my life totally falls apart, as long as they don't take it back, I can always go there.
I had the strangest conversation with my boyfriend today. I couldn't even begin to explain it if I tried.
This week could not possibly go by any slower. On monday, I definitely thought that it was friday. I am ready for break. I am not excited about the exams that will come reight before it. AP calc test first thing monday morning. Yuck.
So, as of a certain person telling me some terrible news today, I realized that my life could be SO MUCH WORSE, so I am going to start working on not being so worked up over the stupid shit that means absolutely nothing.
For Katie (I hope you read this): "This is the worst week ever! I am so sad... and I feel like these Dashboard Confessional lyrics really explain my situation perfectly. I hate boys and school and life and the world."
<3
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Friday, November 17th, 2006
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So just as I am entering my school gate today, the guard comes up to my window and says "You don't have school today. Classes are cancelled. You can go home." I don't argue with things like that. Of course, I had no idea what was going on and figured someone blew up the school or threatened to. Turns out the water exploded and made the school a mess and waterless. I had a happy day.
Tuesday is going to be interesting. I will be spending the night at Frank's house on monday night... without Frank there.
It's so cold in my house right now. I lit a fire. I don't know what makes me think I can survive going to school up north. I don't even know what snow is.
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emoprincess29's journal
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